It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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