They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
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I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
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My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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