So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
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He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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