Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
YAS. BRING CRAB.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
