Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
