i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
