4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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