You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
