I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
