How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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