i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
