the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
