Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
