home. puking in laundry basket.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
