pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
