I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
