my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
