i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
