why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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