she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
should my penis look like a turkey
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
A+ Viking dick
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
