I think scott just propositioned me for sex
we made out on top of his cat.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
