That's when you crack a 10am beer
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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