We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
