He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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