saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
