if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
