He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
