My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
