I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
