I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
