You can't special order awesome
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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