my sisters under your porch take her home
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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