Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
