Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think we might need a safe word for this...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
