If that was your dad, he is hot
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I have post one night stand depression
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