You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
