I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
