how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
