Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I bet he comes in French.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
