tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
