we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Randomize
