i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
