It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
