i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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