Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
