Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
