i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she smelled like a LAN party
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Randomize
