dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
