so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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