I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Pooping to opera.
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