I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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