...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
