SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
organizing the empties. That sober.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
