She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
