what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
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Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
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hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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