So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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