dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
