we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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