drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
