Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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