I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
it was like eating out sand paper
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
