If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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