Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
