Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
