walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
