dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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