I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
