Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.