Texts From Last Night

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  (303): View more from Colorado

  he thought i was a dude.

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  (303): he thought i was a dude. http://tfl.nu/9d6g
  Replies (28) Good night (816) Bad night (7081)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?

  (1-479): View more from Arkansas

  what?

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  your penis

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  (479): hey, can i borrow that thing you never use? (1-479): what? (479): your penis http://tfl.nu/2nga
  Replies (11) Good night (1624) Bad night (3954)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.

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  (817): It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it. http://tfl.nu/48x8
  Replies (37) Good night (3720) Bad night (1322)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...

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  (802): my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night... http://tfl.nu/tx5p
  Replies (14) Good night (5868) Bad night (1324)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.

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  (317): I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare. http://tfl.nu/t1bj
  Replies (12) Good night (4232) Bad night (1095)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left

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  (330): I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left http://tfl.nu/kqqk
  Replies (26) Good night (5319) Bad night (1884)
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  It's like a mixture of two words

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  "town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"

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  (985): It's like a mixture of two words (985): "town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now" http://tfl.nu/homf
  Replies (8) Good night (3215) Bad night (1070)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?

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  (919): At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex? http://tfl.nu/35cd
  Replies (27) Good night (1104) Bad night (4891)
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  (805): View more from California

  Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.

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  (805): Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face. http://tfl.nu/ins1
  Replies (10) Good night (4188) Bad night (1290)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.

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  (480): Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start. http://tfl.nu/ri6j
  Replies (6) Good night (2690) Bad night (943)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth

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  (434): I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth http://tfl.nu/xnjt
  Replies (11) Good night (1426) Bad night (736)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.

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  (716): We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp. http://tfl.nu/z5b4
  Replies (6) Good night (1134) Bad night (350)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".

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  (231): My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here". http://tfl.nu/5x82
  Replies (2) Good night (611) Bad night (312)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform

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  (617): I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform http://tfl.nu/1f1f
  Replies (1) Good night (561) Bad night (272)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.

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  (515): Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real. http://tfl.nu/tgug
  Replies (0) Good night (540) Bad night (191)

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