just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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