soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
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