I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
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you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
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The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"