The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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