Texts From Last Night

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  (562): View more from California

  glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore

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  (562): glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore http://tfl.nu/a739
  Replies (26) Good night (792) Bad night (907)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be

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  (503): like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be http://tfl.nu/q4d6
  Replies (166) Good night (2171) Bad night (4054)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?

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  (603): he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float? http://tfl.nu/0v16
  Replies (21) Good night (964) Bad night (5248)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way

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  (616): you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way http://tfl.nu/p3hb
  Replies (19) Good night (798) Bad night (6658)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....

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  (618): Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight.... http://tfl.nu/4lm3
  Replies (5) Good night (2277) Bad night (1072)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.

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  (970): Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day. http://tfl.nu/cvyh
  Replies (10) Good night (1462) Bad night (1352)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing

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  (+44): you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing http://tfl.nu/zvza
  Replies (10) Good night (4280) Bad night (1563)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex

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  (403): Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex http://tfl.nu/ohy9
  Replies (13) Good night (2136) Bad night (673)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  What drink are we having for lunch?

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  (785): What drink are we having for lunch? http://tfl.nu/pv1n
  Replies (5) Good night (1210) Bad night (874)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.

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  (210): IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND. http://tfl.nu/ke4c
  Replies (21) Good night (2178) Bad night (570)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.

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  (443): Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack. http://tfl.nu/wgh7
  Replies (5) Good night (1164) Bad night (452)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.

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  (417): I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston. http://tfl.nu/atcw
  Replies (11) Good night (1663) Bad night (1162)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...

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  (484): I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata... http://tfl.nu/0hr1
  Replies (1) Good night (421) Bad night (324)
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  (310): View more from California

  So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..

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  (310): So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me.. http://tfl.nu/vhak
  Replies (2) Good night (578) Bad night (362)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.

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  (973): Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery. http://tfl.nu/x3iz
  Replies (2) Good night (582) Bad night (236)

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