two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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