It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You dont lie about slip and slides
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
