Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
