I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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