Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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